was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
