If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
