ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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