I'm so fucking centered right now
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
