just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
