I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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