Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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