Life is so much better after having sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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