Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
