no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
