pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
