So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
