just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
