who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
