I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
