FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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