I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
