we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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