I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
BRING THE BAGELS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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