Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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