I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
they need to just BURY HIM!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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