Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
