Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
