is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
