She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
