So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
