i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
