Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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