The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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