She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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