They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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