so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
