one might say we're banned from that church
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
