I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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