He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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