We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
