If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
