We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
