A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
