the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
