I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
