ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
