i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
