dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
