Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
