Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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