There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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