I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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