Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
