I think I am morally bankrupt
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
