The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Never joke about your clitoris.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
