I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
