you have to choose: penises or morals?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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