I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
