watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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