After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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