I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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