I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
