If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What a dumb baby whore.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
